Moment
(Explicit content. Reader discretion is advised)
Moment
The reason I am having this conversation is to get to know people well.
That thing I should go do is my major in psychology.
My first encounter with that major was through observing how serial killers think, act, and execute.
I never intended to do any kind of killing, just my hallucination of doing it, just in my mind, before I had the gut to speak that up.
I am really confused when people get annoyed at first. But, later, I realized that “my culture” never gets along with all other creatures.
I’d really messed up phase, and at that moment, I never understood how to get over it. It’s just that simple.
I’ve even recreated things like killing in my mind, how I execute them perfectly, in a fine way.
The way I look at other issues is also the same. I never even feel it, because my past is just full of bullying.
You would never understand how that moment ruined my whole way of thinking, seeking joy I would never ever have.
(To all the people that were ever close to me), you will never know how I feel to be alive. You don’t have any idea of that!
You let me live. You gave me a chance to live a life that ruined me. That is just awful. I just want to die. I’m dead inside.
But what I consider to be living a life is humanity.
kind of an anomaly, and maybe that’s the way you look at me. I’ve never had that before. I told you, why are you giving me this chance?
(to all the people that are still giving me a chance to live): Please kill me right now! “I command you!”
I told you that you wouldn’t like how I survive.
I will survive for life. Never just a mental imagining.
I will survive to deliver this hatred to all of you. The reason for the comeback should be done. And you are still not giving me a chance to die?
Is that just a fool or just right in the place where I want to speak up about this hatred? Or would I become yet another mass murderer?
You may perhaps underestimate me, so help me.
Help me!
Help me!
So God, please help me.
I need to be done. My tasks in this world would just die after me.
So, God, please assist me.
You, then, will never be wrong about me. That’s me, ruined in hell, Hell is the place where I should go.
Hell, where is my destiny?
Hell, that lives inside me.
Hell, that dies with me.
Nobody else
but you
I just die with it (considering my name).
Goodbye world, goodbye happiness, goodbye.
The world where I live has never been the same to me. Indeed, I will cut off all of my human demands with me.
Bandung, June 22nd, 2022
In the name of the love of God, … .
This thought just appears and guides me to deliver that stuff and just execute. I never intended any kind of explicit content, as has been written above. I still consider it an “art”. I need to write that. So you’re not going to mislead me.
Yes, maybe some of you will critique how all the odds just came up right there. But, as I told you, that “letter” just intrigued me to be written and I really like it. Of course, there’s always an issue within me, and that is because of the bullying I’ve had since my childhood.
The key to understanding is, don’t bully, of any kind. You won’t like the result and the aftermath of that, really horrible. You never know what’s inside their mind, and how they will respond to it. If anything terrible happens, you don’t expect it to happen. Just don’t bully your surroundings. It will never solve your problem with them because they will never treat you well.
In the last word, I intended to share and spread the bad effects of bullying, or at least what really happened to me. So you will live peacefully on your own, and they will peacefully live.
